Adriana Kraft

When it's time to heat things up...

Stay Sexy

Stay Sexy ~ It’s Hard Work

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I have a vivid memory of our now-grown son running up to me after his first day of kindergarten, beaming as he shared his important news: “Guess what, Mom? Hard work pays off!”

Here’s a fact baby boomers need to know if you want to stay sexy through these next decades: It takes a lot of work. Couch potatoes aren’t sexy, pretty much, and the time-worn phrase use it or lose it applies, too.

So here we go – what does the hard work consist of, and how do we keep it going?

1)    Move your body

The direct payoff of aerobic exercise and strength training for our sex lives is well documented. We’ll look better, feel better, have more muscle tone, develop more stamina, have better orgasms…the list goes on. If you’re not used to moving, you can start small – and it never pays to set expectations too high, in the beginning. That’s a set-up for failure and disappointment. Find something that works for you (we like Xbox 360 Kinect Dance Central and Extreme Makeover, as well as dance classes), something you like, something you can see yourself maintaining over the long haul, and above all, just start. Any day you do something is a day you’re not a couch potato. At our house? Forty minutes a day, almost every day. Hard work.

2)    Eat well

Yes, to stay sexy, we have to be careful about what we eat. Pay attention to what foods – and how much – you need for a healthy, balanced lifestyle, as opposed to a quick-fix diet. Because my husband is a cardiac patient, we’ve developed a repertoire of delicious, satisfying heart-healthy main meals from which we rarely stray. Whole grains instead of refined flours. Fruits for dessert instead rich baked goods. A baked apple, with cinnamon, four or five pecans, and just the tiniest touch of butter, instead of apple pie, and pour a little 1%, almond, or soy milk over it instead of ice cream or whipped cream. There are lots of resources out on the web (see item #4 below) to help with staying both delicious and healthy in our eating habits. Yes, this takes discipline.

3)    Be sexual every day

With your partner, if you have one, but fly solo if you’re alone. Guys may adapt to this more easily than women, since guys typically have an average of eleven daily erections during waking hours. But many sources recommend an orgasm a day for overall health, and even short of orgasm, keeping that cock or pussy active and well-rehearsed will pay off in greater sexual stamina, increased ability to achieve and maintain arousal, increased comfort with penetration and overall ability to enjoy sex.

Kegels are a good place to start, for both men and women. Exercises that help sustain blood flow for the penis, and toys or play that keeps a vagina stretched and ready to receive are additional options.

And if you have a partner, sharing a little TLC, cock-training, cuddle time, adult film watching or reading out loud from your favorite erotic romance can keep those endorphins flowing and improve your overall connectedness and well being, even if it doesn’t always lead to intercourse or orgasm.

4)    Exercise your Brain

We all know that the brain is the most important sex organ – to establish and maintain arousal as our bodies change, we’ll want to keep our brains as primed as possible! I’m not just talking crossword puzzles and Sudoku here (though I do lots of both). Keep learning things, keep finding new and stimulating topics that spark your interest. One of our favorite coffee hangouts has the motto “life is short – stay awake for it.” Works for us!

5)    Learn how to talk to yourself

It’s all about motivation – we all have those days when we just don’t feel like putting in the hard work. It’s okay to skip a day once in a while, but it’s crucial to pick it back up once we’ve taken that break and keep it going. Learn what your prime motivating factors are and practice using them: what threat or reward is most likely to get you up off that couch and following your regimen again? I have several – here are a couple of them. It took me years to get rid of those love handles that used to hang over the waistband of my jeans, and I don’t want them back. Yes, that’s vanity – whatever works! I also have the specter of dementia and Alzheimer’s disease hanging over me on both sides of my gene pool, and there are certainly mornings where that fear alone drives me to get back at it. When the going gets tough, know what kind of pep talk to give yourself.

6)    Build a support network and use it

Keeping up with all these practices is very hard work. Sometimes self-talk alone still isn’t enough to keep us going or to re-start the engines. We need buddies – cheerleaders, even, who can encourage us, teach us, and light the way. People in your support network don’t have to be privy to your deepest sexual secrets – they might not even know staying sexy is an important goal for you. But maintaining sexual health is so integrally connected to all other aspects of a healthy lifestyle that anything your friends can contribute to keeping you on track will spill over into the rest of it. Cheerleaders, workout buddies, mentors, fellow travelers – we all feel better and live better when we’re connected to others in these ways.

Share what you’re learning

For my husband and me, writing this column and writing our erotic romance novels have both contributed beyond measure to keeping us vibrant, healthy, excited and sexy. For one thing, hardly a day goes by that we’re not talking or learning about something sexual. What works for you? What have we left out that you would never do without? How do you re-boot yourself when it starts to feel too hard? We’d love to include reader comments and ideas in future columns, so drop us a comment or an email.

Have fun – and Stay Sexy!

Stay Sexy ~ Just Dance!

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Hate to “exercise?” Don’t want the drudgery of treadmills at a gym? Can’t stand the thought of joining early morning walkers at the local mall when weather is bad?

Just dance!

Don’t know how to dance? No problem – and there are no excuses. Neither did my husband and I, until we were in our fifties. He’d never learned. I’d danced a little – ballet in childhood, some pop culture dancing in my teens, but after that I moved in circles that didn’t go out dancing, and when we’d go out with friends to events with live bands, for sure neither of us had a clue what to do to the music.

That didn’t stop our friends from hauling us out onto the dance floor – even knowing nothing, we had a great time, and that motivated us to invest in learning how. We knew it would burn calories and hoped it would continue to be fun.

Enter Xbox 360 Connect, just released in time for Christmas that year. At the game store we fielded funny comments about how much our grandkids were going to love their present – we just smiled and said “it’s for us.” Dance Central was exactly what we needed. I can’t tell you how many hours – together and separately – we spent in front of that sensor, learning to make limbs move exactly like the avatar’s to precisely the correct rhythm.

Those weren’t dances you could take out on the dance floor, but they gave us confidence, delivered moves we could use, and inspired us to keep learning. We downloaded some great free instructional videos for rock and roll routines, ordered dvd’s for tango and salsa, took some country line dancing and western swing classes, and never looked back.

Maybe it’s obvious, but dancing contributes so much to staying sexy. There’s the exercise and calories burned, of course, and sometimes if it’s raining and we can’t ride our bikes or take a walk, we dance in our tiny motorhome living room for our workout. But there’s so much more – the laughter, the touching, the excitement of getting dressed up and going out dancing, the high that comes from feeling good about what we’re doing.

So I hope you dance – and here’s a link to Lee Ann Womack’s wonderful song by that name: I Hope You Dance.

Have fun, and Stay Sexy!

Stay Sexy ~ From the Heart

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Stay Sexy ~ From the Heart

A couple weeks back I wrote about my success with bone density loss prevention, which will definitely help with staying sexy. Today I’m reporting for my other half, who is a cardiac patient.

If he didn’t have heart problems, we probably wouldn’t be writing erotic romance together. The fact that his life has felt at risk gave rise to our motto if not now, when? and has led us to take risks and explore new dimensions we might never have attempted otherwise.

We just spent the past three months in our former Iowa home, putting it on the market and (thankfully) selling it, in order to morph into full time RVers, living in our motorhome to write, edit, market, and travel. Part of our Iowa sojourn included full medical checkups for both of us. The exciting news is that six years after his triple bypass, my husband’s risk of death from heart problems has dropped to equal that of the general population.

Does this mean he doesn’t have heart disease anymore? Not by a long shot: the same genetics that got him in trouble will reach right out and grab him if he doesn’t keep doing, every day, all the things that have led to this miraculous change. So we thought we’d share what those things are:

CARDIO: At least six days out of seven, 30 to 40 minutes (often more) of cardio workout. Sometimes we bike. Sometimes we hit a gym with treadmills, ellipticals, stationary bikes, stair steppers. Sometimes we dance. Most days we also take a 15-30 minute walk.

STRENGTH TRAINING: Two to three days a week, strength training/resistance workouts.

DIET:  We eat very little that comes in a can or box (well, apart from morning whole-grain cereal). Fresh fruit, at least three a day. Fresh veggies – two to three a day, sometimes more. Nuts, yogurt, popcorn (high in fiber, low in fat), nothing deep-fat fried, smaller meat portions. If we have dessert at all, it’s usually fruit, perhaps with yogurt or low-fat milk.

MEDICATION: He faithfully takes his small daily dose of a statin and a beta blocker. To that he adds a few carefully selected supplements.

STRESS REDUCTION: This is a biggie, and also a genetic vulnerability in his family. Taking a mid-day break, finding an occupation he enjoys (writing erotic romance comes to mind), accessing some yoga stretches and poses, spending more time relaxing on purpose and not just by chance.

SEX: Having sex three days a week or more (yes, we practice what we preach, hooray for that!), at least a little sexual contact daily, lots of cuddling, holding hands, physical contact.

He and I have often joked over the last several years that his first and most important job is simply staying alive, making sure he does all the things on this list so we can be together a long time and enjoy each other. I’m thrilled with his job performance – lovin’ the life I live.

Have fun, and Stay Sexy!

Stay Sexy ~ End Boring Sex!

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Stay Sexy ~ End Boring Sex

That’s the motto at GetLusty for Couples – a website we’ve featured on our pages before, and for whom we now write occasional content as volunteer columnists.

Have you been following our posts about the scarf scene from The Best Man? We’re thrilled to announce that the entire scene is now featured as an exclusive erotic excerpt on the pages of GetLusty, at this LINK. Turn on your fan or turn up the A/C – this is a hot one!

When you land on the LINK page, you’ll see a sign-up screen (unless you’re already a GetLusty member). First tier membership is free, and we encourage you to sign up.

There are additional levels of membership with accompanying benefits, such as discounts on products to heat up your relationship and make your sex life sizzle. We think you’ll find the content at GetLusty adds value to your life and opens up new options and ideas for making your sex life sparkle.

So – visit their website, sign up for free, read our hot scene, and enjoy!

Have fun, and stay sexy!

Stay Sexy ~ Baby Boomers do it with Style!

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Did you see the Huff Po article yesterday about women over fifty reading and writing erotic fiction? Here’s the LINK, in case you missed it. Should anyone be surprised? Baby boomers – the youngest of whom will turn fifty in 2014 – didn’t just come of age during the sexual revolution, they pretty much invented it. You can bet we’re not giving up our sexuality without a fight as we enter midlife and beyond.

Turns out there’s a conservative Republican running for the Colorado State Senate – and it has surfaced that a decade ago, she wrote erotic romance for Extasy Books under a pen name, to help support her family as a single mom after her day job as an EMT.

The discovery may be causing her political trouble in Colorado, but I liked the Huff Po take on the matter. Their lead line is “Jaxine Bubis, Erotic Fiction Writing Senate Candidate, Is Not Alone: Older Women Love Erotica.”

Agreed. Love to read it, love to write it, love to watch it – love to use it to spice up the action in the bedroom (or any other handy room). Here’s to hot sex after fifty and beyond.

Have fun, and stay sexy!

Stay Sexy ~ Just Do Something!

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Note to self: Re-read what I’ve been writing! Every week, I write a column here on our blog with tips for staying vibrant, excited, healthy and sexy across the life cycle. Most mornings, I get up and I start my day with something I’ve been writing about – usually, some stretches and at least ten minutes of target-heartrate activity before breakfast.  But lately? Well, lately, I haven’t felt like it. I’m not motivated. I’m resistant. I’m oppositional. I don’t wanna.

What would I advise someone in my quandary?

Just start. Just do something.

So here’s my pledge: Tomorrow morning, before that first cuppa, I will go stand in the living room and start with the simple opening exercise from my fave Extreme Makeover DVD. All you do is stand in one place and swing your arms, for maybe thirty seconds. Focus on keeping your shoulders down, not scrunched up by your ears, but relaxed. Swing both arms forward, then behind. Feel the tension go, and feel your heart and your body start to wake up, just from that simple beginning.

The thing is, once you’re already moving, it’s much easier to keep moving and ramp up to more active routines.

But I’m not promising to do all that – all I’m pledging to do is to start. We’ll see what happens after that!