Adriana Kraft

When it's time to heat things up...

Health

Stay Sexy ~ Sometimes you have to follow the rules.

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Hubs and I write erotic romance together. It goes without saying that we like to bend a lot of rules or sometimes even break them. But I’m learning a lot this week, post eye-surgery, about when to break them and when not to.

It turns out I didn’t receive as many restrictions as I feared – thanks to a very skilled surgeon and catching the condition early, I presume. Some patients have to spend weeks or even a month maintaining a face-down position after retinal surgery, and I was spared that, for which I’m very grateful.

So the rules are few, but rigid:

No lifting over ten pounds for a week. That’s a little more than a gallon of milk (at 8 pounds). Can I guage that? Not so sure. Yesterday evening when we walked down to the lake, I moved a plastic Adirondack chair. I hope it wasn’t too heavy – I was rewarded shortly afterward with the view below.

Lake Sawyer Moon 08 08 14

Confession, ex-post-facto. I just looked up the chair on line – it weighs 7.25 pounds, so I was safe.

No bending at the waist for a week. I’m not sure I ever stopped to think how many simple household tasks automatically involve bending – anything that needs picking up off the floor, for example. I’m trying, I truly am. Step One: Pay Attention!

Exercise. I knew this would be the hardest one and was fearful for my mood and overall attitude if I couldn’t work out at all. No workouts yet, but for the first week, walking is permitted – so we’re taking three nice walks a day, and I only struggled with mood issues the first twenty-four hours. Can’t go dancing yet, but it won’t be long.

Yup, I’m sticking to the rules on this one, as best I can. My reward? A truly miraculous improvement in my vision. Definitely worth it.

Stay Sexy ~ Do Something Different

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Want to stay vibrant, healthy, exciting and sexy across the life cycle?

Here’s what it takes:

Think differently.

Do something different.

Keep on doing it.

Not new, not earth shaking, not something I haven’t said in my own way, but I ran across it yesterday in a place I wouldn’t have looked for it.

I follow (and hardly ever miss reading) Bob Mayer’s blog – initially because I heard him speak with Jennifer Crusie and I read the books they wrote together, then because he was a pioneer in indie publishing, and because I started reading and love his solo fiction. Here’s a shout-out to Duty, Honor, Country and The Jefferson Allegiance. Great reads.

He’s a West Point graduate with a Special Forces career, and he draws on that experience to write his fiction and run his life. Truly. He’s been a traditionally published best-selling author, but he saw the wave of change coming and established an indie publishing house for his back list, his new releases, and a few additional brave authors. Lots of traditional authors got swamped by the wave – he’s still riding it, and thriving.

So when he says something, I pay attention.

The opening line to his blog yesterday was “If I’m not where I want to be, then I must change.” Exactly. How do we do that? We all have the same basic material to work with – think differently, do something different, keep on doing it. Not new. What was new (to me) was the meta-analysis: in order to make a change, it helps if we know which of these three steps is most difficult for us. Then we can focus our energy on figuring out why that step is our barrier, and doing something about that.

For me, #3 is the bugaboo: sustaining the change. My something different is my twelve minute morning workout. That means I have to do the same “different” thing every morning, and some mornings I just don’t feel like it.

I’ve learned I need a huge laundry list of reasons that can get me up off the couch and moving, a combination of sticks and carrots. Some mornings, frankly, it’s vanity. I really like looking trim and fit. Sometimes it’s my osteopenia – the fear of ending up someday in a nursing home with a broken hip. Often it’s the specter of Alzheimer’s – my gene pool is just loaded with good reasons to sustain the change. Right now I’m rehabbing  an injured knee, and if nothing else gets me going, the knowledge that I’ll have less knee pain later in the day works just fine. Sometimes, even, it’s knowing that I’ll be writing this Stay Sexy blog post every week: accountability. And on a really good morning, it’s just knowing how very good I feel all day when I’ve started my day with the core routine.

I’ll close with his closing words. I highly recommend reading his entire post.

“Sustained action equals change.  Sustained action is training.  Sustained action brings about new, healthy and productive habits.”

Have fun, and Stay Sexy.

Stay Sexy ~ What’s YOUR word?

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This morning I’ve been re-reading blogs on a list I keep for inspiration for this weekly column on staying vibrant, healthy, exciting and sexy across the life style. I needed that, because with the holidays and a horrific case of bronchitis hubs came down with Christmas day, my usually faithful routine flew out the window. I wasn’t finding the motivation inside myself to conquer it, so I turned to my virtual support network.

Here’s the article I re-read, by Molly Alexander Darden:

How One Word Drove Me to Cross the Bridge From Old Age to Youthful Vitality

And here’s my favorite quote:

“I committed to do whatever it took to feel vital again.”

What she stumbled upon was the one activity that could entice her to put in the necessary hard work – the sport she used to do that gave her the feeling she remembered and wanted back. For her, it was water skiing.

Did I mention she’s at least seventy? It’s clear she has resources – once she identified what activity would inspire her to shed those pounds and get in shape, she was able to hire a specialized coach to see her through the process. But that’s not what I took from her blog, and it’s not what you need, either.

What she focused on was the remembered feeling of excitement, achievement, and vitality. Those feelings are stored in our very bones and muscles, and those memory traces can propel us towards our goal.

So here’s another quote – and my New Years wish for you, as you enter 2014:

“I love being able to tell people what I’m doing now, instead of what I used to do.”

And yes, I did my workout between reading the article and writing this column. Go, me!

Have fun, and Stay Sexy!

Stay Sexy ~ If Not Now, When?

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If not Now, When?

What is the key, exactly, that enables a person to turn things around and make the commitment to living a healthy, vibrant (and yes, sexy) life? When I’m interviewing authors about their healthy life changes for this column, I ask a couple different questions to try to get at this: What prompted you to begin making this change?  Is there a particular person or event that serves as inspiration and motivation for you?

I’m sure if I ever found an answer that would work for everyone, I could bottle it, sell it, and become a millionaire. That choice point is so different, so intensely personal, so deeply anchored in individual history that there’s never a one size fits all.

By now, if you’ve followed our Stay Sexy column at all, you know my husband’s bypass surgery a few years ago was such a turning point for us. We’ve come to claim If Not Now, When? as our personal mantra.

It’s embedded in a series of guidelines I stumbled upon in a motivational speech I once attended by accident. The speaker’s three points were as follows

  1. Decide what you want.
  2. Decide what you’re willing to give up to get it.
  3. Take action now.

Works for me. The beauty is, it worked as the wake-up call for some major lifestyle changes a few years back, and it works on a daily basis, any time I don’t feel like putting in the effort to start my workout or stick to my healthy eating. What do I truly want? And if I don’t go after it now, when?

Hope it works for some of you! Have fun, and Stay Sexy!

Stay Sexy ~ It’s Hard Work

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I have a vivid memory of our now-grown son running up to me after his first day of kindergarten, beaming as he shared his important news: “Guess what, Mom? Hard work pays off!”

Here’s a fact baby boomers need to know if you want to stay sexy through these next decades: It takes a lot of work. Couch potatoes aren’t sexy, pretty much, and the time-worn phrase use it or lose it applies, too.

So here we go – what does the hard work consist of, and how do we keep it going?

1)    Move your body

The direct payoff of aerobic exercise and strength training for our sex lives is well documented. We’ll look better, feel better, have more muscle tone, develop more stamina, have better orgasms…the list goes on. If you’re not used to moving, you can start small – and it never pays to set expectations too high, in the beginning. That’s a set-up for failure and disappointment. Find something that works for you (we like Xbox 360 Kinect Dance Central and Extreme Makeover, as well as dance classes), something you like, something you can see yourself maintaining over the long haul, and above all, just start. Any day you do something is a day you’re not a couch potato. At our house? Forty minutes a day, almost every day. Hard work.

2)    Eat well

Yes, to stay sexy, we have to be careful about what we eat. Pay attention to what foods – and how much – you need for a healthy, balanced lifestyle, as opposed to a quick-fix diet. Because my husband is a cardiac patient, we’ve developed a repertoire of delicious, satisfying heart-healthy main meals from which we rarely stray. Whole grains instead of refined flours. Fruits for dessert instead rich baked goods. A baked apple, with cinnamon, four or five pecans, and just the tiniest touch of butter, instead of apple pie, and pour a little 1%, almond, or soy milk over it instead of ice cream or whipped cream. There are lots of resources out on the web (see item #4 below) to help with staying both delicious and healthy in our eating habits. Yes, this takes discipline.

3)    Be sexual every day

With your partner, if you have one, but fly solo if you’re alone. Guys may adapt to this more easily than women, since guys typically have an average of eleven daily erections during waking hours. But many sources recommend an orgasm a day for overall health, and even short of orgasm, keeping that cock or pussy active and well-rehearsed will pay off in greater sexual stamina, increased ability to achieve and maintain arousal, increased comfort with penetration and overall ability to enjoy sex.

Kegels are a good place to start, for both men and women. Exercises that help sustain blood flow for the penis, and toys or play that keeps a vagina stretched and ready to receive are additional options.

And if you have a partner, sharing a little TLC, cock-training, cuddle time, adult film watching or reading out loud from your favorite erotic romance can keep those endorphins flowing and improve your overall connectedness and well being, even if it doesn’t always lead to intercourse or orgasm.

4)    Exercise your Brain

We all know that the brain is the most important sex organ – to establish and maintain arousal as our bodies change, we’ll want to keep our brains as primed as possible! I’m not just talking crossword puzzles and Sudoku here (though I do lots of both). Keep learning things, keep finding new and stimulating topics that spark your interest. One of our favorite coffee hangouts has the motto “life is short – stay awake for it.” Works for us!

5)    Learn how to talk to yourself

It’s all about motivation – we all have those days when we just don’t feel like putting in the hard work. It’s okay to skip a day once in a while, but it’s crucial to pick it back up once we’ve taken that break and keep it going. Learn what your prime motivating factors are and practice using them: what threat or reward is most likely to get you up off that couch and following your regimen again? I have several – here are a couple of them. It took me years to get rid of those love handles that used to hang over the waistband of my jeans, and I don’t want them back. Yes, that’s vanity – whatever works! I also have the specter of dementia and Alzheimer’s disease hanging over me on both sides of my gene pool, and there are certainly mornings where that fear alone drives me to get back at it. When the going gets tough, know what kind of pep talk to give yourself.

6)    Build a support network and use it

Keeping up with all these practices is very hard work. Sometimes self-talk alone still isn’t enough to keep us going or to re-start the engines. We need buddies – cheerleaders, even, who can encourage us, teach us, and light the way. People in your support network don’t have to be privy to your deepest sexual secrets – they might not even know staying sexy is an important goal for you. But maintaining sexual health is so integrally connected to all other aspects of a healthy lifestyle that anything your friends can contribute to keeping you on track will spill over into the rest of it. Cheerleaders, workout buddies, mentors, fellow travelers – we all feel better and live better when we’re connected to others in these ways.

Share what you’re learning

For my husband and me, writing this column and writing our erotic romance novels have both contributed beyond measure to keeping us vibrant, healthy, excited and sexy. For one thing, hardly a day goes by that we’re not talking or learning about something sexual. What works for you? What have we left out that you would never do without? How do you re-boot yourself when it starts to feel too hard? We’d love to include reader comments and ideas in future columns, so drop us a comment or an email.

Have fun – and Stay Sexy!

Stay Sexy: The sexiest thing you can ever do…

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…is get your heart rate up there!

Okay, so you already know being sexy probably has to involve our hearts – we want to be sexy with the person we give our heart to, right? And after all, this week is Valentine’s Day, so talking about our hearts is a natural.

But here’s the thing: elevating our heart rate into that aerobic target zone, even a little bit, does something magical for both our bodies and our brains. Turns out it helps us be both more desirable and more interested in being sexy!

Body-wise, it helps us burn fat (and, if you saw our Stay Sexy column last week, you know having sex burns as many calories as lots of other forms of exercise). Plus, there’s more, according to the Mayo Clinic. It makes our metabolism more efficient. It’ll improve our stamina, in case we’re aiming for a marathon session. It reduces pain – maybe that’s why my migraine episodes decreased as my workouts increased. I’ll take it! It revs up our immune system, reducing our likelihood of getting sick. And, naturally, it’s good for our hearts. It strengthens the heart muscles and helps clear out our arteries by boosting our HDL cholesterol (the good kind).

Did that list sound sexy? Not so much, by itself – but even just sticking with what it does for the body, I’ll look better, feel better and live longer, and that’s sexy.

The brain magic is even more impressive – and less well known. According to Dr. John Ratey, in Spark, spending time in our target heart rate zone decreases depression, reduces anxiety, relieves stress, decreases dementia in later life, and even increases our brain capacity. Personally, I think that’s very sexy – I’ll be happier, more relaxed, smarter, and possibly even more inventive!

I hope this list of benefits has piqued your curiosity – I’d love to answer questions about how all this works (see, I told you it makes us smarter 🙂 ). Stay tuned – in future Stay Sexy columns, we’ll be sharing more personally about the impact this information has had for both my husband and myself.

In the meantime – Happy Valentine’s Day, have fun, and stay sexy!