Consent, Pleasure, Well Being. The term Sex Positivity has been around for a while and can mean many different things to different people.
Lately I’ve been following blogger and Sex Educator Charlie Glickman, and I like his definition best of all. The only criteria for evaluating any sex act, he says, are consent, pleasure, and well being.
Being sex positive doesn’t mean that we love sex, or have lots of it, or think everyone should practice free love. In fact, it means we don’t judge what anyone else wants to practice – gay, straight, kinky, vanilla, monogamous, polyamorous or celibate – beyond those three cardinal parameters:
Is it consensual? Are all the parties adult, are they aware and informed about what they’re doing, and have they agreed? Is it pleasurable for the parties involved? Does it contribute to the well being of all who are involved? I am reminded of the Wiccan rede, An it harm none.
What does this have to do with the erotic romance my husband and I write? Right now, we’re polishing off another entry in our Swinging Games series at Extasy Books. In that series a married baby boomer couple have expanded their sexual practice to become part of the swing lifestyle. Being sex positive means we don’t judge them or their practice, so long as they agree it’s consensual, pleasurable and contributes to their well being. And, of course, we hope that reading about what they’re up to is consensual, pleasurable, and contributes to readers’ well being!
Swinging Games: Too Close for Comfort is due out from Extasy Books early this summer. Books One through Eight are available now at Extasy Books.
I think that is a couple wants to explore and do new things as long as it is safe for them and they consent to it the choice is all up to them. Great post.
Thanks, Savannah – what’s so important to me is, it goes both ways. Whatever anyone else wants to do is fine if it meets those three criteria, and no one is to be judged for what they DON’T want to do, or watch, or read. It’s all good!