Sometime back I was asked this question: Is there a difference between erotic menage romance novels and erotic polyamory romance novels? Here’s what I think:
Most of the erotic romance my husband and I write together involves sex scenes with three or more participants. Which label to place on them isn’t as straightforward as you might think, and people in the non-monogamous lifestyle might laugh at the effort to pigeonhole them.
Though many erotic romance readers and writers tend to think of “ménage” as simply meaning sex among more than two persons, the historic meaning of ménage (from the French) is “domestic establishment,” or “the persons of a household.” Naturally “ménage à trois” adds an enticing dimension, but it still technically implies a living together arrangement.
“Polyamory,” on the other hand, is somewhat simpler in its origin and implication: “Poly” means many, and “amory” means love. Polyamory is many loves. Easy? Not so much. There are what seem endless permutations and combinations of polyamory within the non-monogamous lifestyle. Some threesomes form an equilateral triangle, exclusively and equally committed to one another. Some couples view each other as their “primary,” but have additional loves outside the primary relationship, sometimes together, sometimes apart. And the list goes on.
My husband and I have written erotic romance that explores nearly all those possibilities. Our Swinging Games series chronicles the experience of a pair of empty-nest baby boomers who first dip their toes into the swing lifestyle, then embrace it fully across the fifteen (so far) stories in the series. Which label would those characters use? Though they sometimes have what might be called “casual sex,” they form loving relationships with some of their partners, and for a time they entered into a three-way relationship with another woman which we’re quite sure they would label “polyamory.”
An important additional dimension is whether or not any of the partners are bisexual. Most of the women in our erotic stories swing both ways, so they tend to form FFM threesomes, whether short term or as their happy ending. In the Swinging Games series, some of the men are also bisexual, leading to additional combinations.
In short, in the real world, what to call it depends on how the participants define it, and there are more combinations and variations than can easily be categorized. What they all share in common, however, is the centrality of open and honest communication among all involved, a continuing effort to understand and meet the needs and desires of the participants, and a loving relationship, whether for the moment or long term. Oh, and need I mention, they share happiness, pleasure, and a wide range of sexual activities and combinations.
For readers who’d like to know more about “real” polyamory and ménage relationships, sex educator, author, and filmmaker Tristan Taormino has written a very straightforward and informative book about the open lifestyle and the intricacies involved:
Opening Up is available at this link:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0097DDYR2/
I highly recommend it.
My favorite among our polyamory offerings is The Reunion, winner of the 2014 Bi Writer’s Association award for Best Erotica. I’m comfortable calling its trio either ménage or polyamory, because it is both. By the end of the story, an equilateral triangle has evolved through a series of tugs and pulls, and all three partners are in love with and committed to each other. At least two of the partners never saw this coming, but I’m pretty sure it fulfilled the fondest dreams of the third partner, once she saw what might be possible. Her faith that it could happen was a crucial catalyst in its development.
BOOK INFORMATION
The Reunion, by Adriana Kraft
B&B Publishing: Ebook, Paperback
September, 2013 ASIN: B00F30CTLK
Novel: 71,000 words
Cover Artist: Dawné Dominique
Four Flames: Explicit sex: M/F, F/F; Ménage: F/F/M, FMF, F/F/F; Multiple partners; Polyamory; light bondage; voyeurism; anal sex; sex toys.
BLURB
Dark and brooding, Adam Granger was always the bad boy out of reach—but now he’s in Sarah Atkinson’s bed, the morning after their twentieth high school reunion. When Adam beats a retreat to his Pacific Palisades estate, former good girl Sarah throws caution to the wind and pursues him.
Petite copper-skinned Maria Ramirez greets Sarah at Adam’s front door. The former exotic dancer doesn’t challenge Sarah’s assumption she’s the maid—how long will it take the dark-haired beauty to figure out Maria is Adam’s live-in lover? Better yet, how long before Maria can entice her into their bed?
Determined not to rock his hard-won lifestyle, Adam resolves to push Sarah past her sexual limits so she’ll leave. When she stays, he watches helplessly as the two women fall in love with each other. Will they shut him out? And, if they let him in, what must he sacrifice?
EXCERPT
“I’ve done the same old, same old for so long I nearly failed take the opportunity to fly out here,” Sarah said.
Maria flashed an eyebrow. “But you did, and you’re not disappointed.”
“Not at all.” Sarah squirmed closer. “You were worth the trip. And we may get Adam to come around. Imagine! I didn’t even know you existed until you met me at the door. If I hadn’t gotten up the nerve to come out here, we never would’ve met.”
“I like that word we.” Maria pecked at Sarah’s neck and hugged her tight. “You’re a pretty damn spunky lady. Adam Granger doesn’t stand a chance facing the two of us.”
“I’m not so sure,” Sarah said, fighting the feeling that all was not well in nirvana. “So, Maria, does Adam love you?”
Maria withdrew and scowled. “That’s not a word in his vocabulary. He cares for me more than he has for anyone, unless for the image of you.”
“Do you love him?”
Maria didn’t flinch. “Yes.”
“Yet you still take other women to your bed.”
“Yes. Loving a woman is quite different. I haven’t found a woman I could be true to.” She offered a quirky smile. “Yet.”
“Oh.” Sarah worked at staying calm while considering the import of Maria’s words. “But you wouldn’t give up Adam for the right woman.”
“No, the right woman would have to love him as much as me. All sides would have to have equal strength.”
“Like an equilateral triangle.”
“Exactly.”
“I wonder if that’s possible.”
Maria sighed. “Maybe it isn’t.”
BUY LINK
Universal Buy Link
Available on Kindle Unlimited
https://books2read.com/u/49Vaj8
Hello, Adriana,
I get really frustrated with labels. What counts is the feelings. Actually feelings can not be so easily sliced and diced either. Casual sex (in the sense of one or two encounters) is not necessarily meaningless sex. Love can take over in a flash or take months (or even years) to develop.
I have quite a few sexual partners by comparison to the average person. And I’m comfortable saying that I loved almost all of them… at least a bit… even if I never saw them again.
Polyamory is something of a holy grail for me, but really hard to achieve deliberately. (My husband and I tried, and failed.) I think it has to grow organically – as it seems to do in the book you’ve excerpted.