If that title sounds silly to you, keep reading. How many of you have heard of The Sinclair Institute and BetterSex.com? Neither had we. But turning forty (not gonna say when!) was a watershed transition in our personal lives, and the possibility of discreet help for libido, getting the juices going and increasing frequency rather than risk losing it all led us to a (then) tiny enterprise that offered resources for “Great Sex Over Forty.” Sure sounded good to me!
We ordered our first video. I’d watched porn before, so this wasn’t my first experience with naked bodies doing hot stuff on screen, but it’s hard to describe the difference when who you’re watching is just like you: middle aged, imperfect bodies being relaxed and comfortable and having a good time sexually. Oh, and looking like they were really in love with each other, too. I could identify.
Would my husband and I be writing erotic romance with juicy sex scenes aimed at arousing readers of either sex if we hadn’t found the Sinclair Institute? It’s hard to say, but we sure needed a jump start from somewhere. And that’s why we’re writing this blog today – with all the explicit and titillating hot sex thrown in our faces by advertisers, media, movies and yes erotica writers, there are still a lot of peeps out there who aren’t getting enough (or, equally troubling, aren’t wanting enough) and don’t know how to fix the problem.
Needless to say both our personal life and our fiction heated back up with a little help from the resources we accessed, and I don’t think either of us has ever looked back. We’ve shared this story at the risk of some embarrassment in hopes others who find libido waning or technique getting stale won’t be too embarrassed to seek similar resources. Bettersex.com is a great place to start. AskDanandJennifer is another one, and we’ll blog about it another day. And of course the two halves of Adriana hope our books provide similarly effective inspiration – as TwoLips Reviews remarked, they’re meant to be read with “either a partner or a bucket of toys close at hand.” Oh, and where to get those great toys? Here’s a link to a discount for first time customers at – you guessed it – BetterSex.com!
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Judge Walker’s ruling overturning California’s Proposition 8 was issued this past Wednesday, and I find myself relieved but underwhelmed. What I thought would be a major victory for my son and others like him turns out to be just one of the seemingly innumerable hurdles that must be overcome. I am more frightened and weary than celebratory.
This is in strong contrast to my experience a mere sixteen months ago, when Iowa moved into the ranks of states supporting marriage equality. I was an enthralled participant in local rallies and blogged about it in these pages: https://adrianakraft.com/2009/04/04/proud-to-be-an-iowan/.
The people and organizations that oppose marriage equality seem powerful and hate-driven. The rhetoric is so repulsive to me I can hardly stand to read it. Two days after the ruling, a Republican who lost the primary race for the Iowa gubernatorial nomination announced he would organize to unseat the three Iowa Supreme Court judges who are up for retention in this year’s election. “If the judges can do this to marriage, every one of your freedoms is up for grabs,” he said during a news conference Friday.
So I find myself of like mind with Diane Silver, one of the bloggers over at The Bilerico Project. As she so eloquently puts it, Judge Walker and the lawyers who argued the case for repeal of Prop 8 “can only move the ball down the field. They can’t actually save us. The only people who can save us is us and our straight allies.” There is work to be done.
…so someone at work left it on the table in the lunch room, and when I saw the cover I just had to pick it up and read it: A wedding cake with three figurines gracing its top – one bride, and two grooms! It was the June/July issue of Psychotherapy Networker, and the lead article bore the title “The New Monogamy.” I’ve posted the cover – you can catch the article HERE.
Dr. Tammy Nelson, the article’s author, is a licensed psychotherapist and sexologist whose book, Getting the Sex you Want, is highly recommended. In this article she’s exploring the changing definitions of monogamy and infidelity.
Why would that matter to me as an author of erotic romance? Hubby and I are writing characters caught up in the excitement of the world counselors are just coming to recognize as possibly healthy and valid. Dr. Nelson has talked with a number of couples who confirm they get together with other couples for sex dates. The sample she describes is fairly young – couples whose children are now school age, and who want to “rekindle a youthful sense of adventure, sexual excitement, and desirability” while remaining committed to each other in their primary relationship.
Most of the swinging characters we’re writing are somewhat older – at mid life, their nests are emptying – but their purpose is much the same. We, too, have talked with a number of swinging couples, as part of the research for our Swinging Games series. The individuals we’ve spoken with range in age from mid twenties to just over seventy, though most are over forty. They’ve turned to swinging for a variety of reasons. Often, the female partner (like the lead character we invented for our series) has begun to realize she has bisexual interests, and swinging is a safe way to explore those that both partners can enjoy. Others, including many who remain het in orientation, love the thrill of the chase (and being chased).
The persons we’ve talked with report the same phenomena – they are surprised and gratified by how their mutual sexual adventures enliven and recharge all aspects of their relationship. Feeling desirable, knowing your partner is highly desired, watching your partner give and receive exciting sexual experiences, learning more nuances about giving and receiving pleasure, trying out new ideas and techniques, voyeurism (especially at clubs and parties) and the thrill of more than one pair of hands giving pleasure in threesomes or foursomes are just some of the benefits couples tell us about.
Of course we’re not saying couples should or shouldn’t try out swinging to spice up their relationship – but if you find these fantasies enticing, we do recommend reading together some of the available erotic romance novels centered on swinging. Enjoying an erotic romance together is a safe way to experiment and reap at least a few of the benefits reported by couples we’ve spoken with. Here are some links to get you started:
Swing, an anthology edited by Jolie Du Pre
Swing Pointe by Kissa Starling
The Big 4-Oh by Beth Wylde
Swinging Games by Adriana Kraft
An added bonus – the body jewelry vendor listed below just found me on Twitter and gave me her links. She carries some great Swinging jewelry – all of it non-piercing, not just for nipples:
Nipple Rings from NippleCharms.com
Non Piercing Body Jewelry. All the pleasure & no pain.
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